Rediscovering My Femininity After Backsliding

I first discovered Fascinating Womanhood in 2012, of all places, from an episode of *Wife Swap*. I remember being so intrigued by the teachings and philosophy around embracing femininity. It was a concept that spoke to me, but at the time, I didn’t have many feminine role models in my life to look up to. Still, the idea lingered in the back of my mind for years.

It wasn’t until 2017, shortly after I had my son, that I actively began following Fascinating Womanhood. Motherhood opened up new challenges, and I felt that tapping into my femininity would help me become the nurturing, balanced mother I wanted to be. In 2018, I took things a step further and became a certified Fascinating Womanhood teacher, eager to share this life-changing philosophy with other women.

The Struggle with Depression and Femininity

But life has a way of throwing curveballs. Despite my passion for femininity, I was battling depression—there were days when I could barely get out of bed, let alone focus on the feminine ideals I longed to embody. It felt like the more I wanted to step into this role, the further away it drifted. Then, 2020 happened. Like many people, the pandemic turned my world upside down. I started a podcast as a way to channel my creativity and give voice to my thoughts during that difficult time. However, by 2021, I had given up on the podcast, and my depression deepened. I lost touch with the feminine side of myself that I had worked so hard to cultivate.

Even after the world began to recover, my femininity seemed to stay on the sidelines. I still had that deep hunger to tap into it, but I felt unworthy. My weight, finances, and the fact that I was single in my 30s made me question whether I even deserved to embrace my femininity. How could I feel beautiful, worthy, and feminine when I was struggling in so many areas of my life?

The Power of Taking Back Control

There was a period where I let these thoughts of unworthiness rule me, but something inside me refused to give up. The truth is, no matter how much I had backslid, I still held the key to my femininity. My weight, finances, and relationship status didn’t define my worth. My femininity was mine to claim, and no external circumstance could take that away from me.

This realization has been a powerful turning point in my journey. I’ve chosen to stop feeling sorry for myself and instead remember that I am in control of my life, my femininity, and my happiness. 

Yes, I’ve backslid—but that doesn’t mean I’m starting over. Every step I’ve taken, every lesson I’ve learned along the way, is still with me. This time, I’m stepping back into my femininity with more wisdom, grace, and resilience. I now understand that embracing my femininity is not about perfection; it’s about growth, self-love, and taking responsibility for my happiness.

If you’re in a similar place—feeling disconnected from the woman you want to be—I encourage you to remember that you, too, hold the key to your femininity. Even if life has thrown you off track, you can always return to that place of grace, strength, and beauty within yourself.